The Final Stretch and the Quiet Between

 I know it’s been a while—way too long—and for that, I owe you an apology. Things have been chaotic lately. Between finishing up my combined Bachelor’s and MD program and the whirlwind that followed the graveyard investigation, time just slipped through my fingers. The truth is, I’ve been buried in books, lectures, clinicals, and all the craziness that comes with the final stretch of medical school. It feels like the finish line is right there, but it’s this endless sea of tests and sleepless nights standing between me and the end.

I wanted to write sooner, but I guess it’s hard to put your thoughts into words when you’re barely keeping up with your own reality.

Since the investigation, everything has been… hectic, to say the least. The Cryptic Club—Brooke, Kieran, Nox, Payton, and I—has been put on hold for now. We all went into this with so much excitement, but life has a way of hitting you when you least expect it. Brooke’s been working hard on her career, landing a fantastic internship at Google, and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She’s killing it, and I know she’s going to do amazing things. She’s always been so driven, and seeing her succeed is just a reminder of why I’m so lucky to have her by my side.

As for the rest of the group, everyone’s lives have gotten busier, and it’s hard to stay connected when you’re juggling a thousand things. Kieran’s traveling for research, Nox has been working OT at the club and Payton been MIA for awhile now. I do hope she's okay. It’s a little bittersweet that the club’s been on pause. We had so much planned, but for now, I think we all need to focus on the present.

With residency looming on the horizon, I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to contribute to the blog or keep up with anything else. I’ve been pushing for this moment my whole life, but I’m also realizing how little space there’ll be in my schedule for anything beyond the hospital and my studies. But I promise you—I’ll do my best to keep you updated when I can. This blog has always been my way to connect with all of you, and even if it’s less frequent, I’ll make it work.

The finish line is close, and it’s both exciting and terrifying. I can’t wait to start this next chapter, but I’m also trying to savor these final moments of my journey through school. It’s all been a blur, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

Thanks for sticking around, and for being patient. I’m grateful for every one of you who’s been following this journey with me. I’ll be back soon enough.

A Gentler Visit

 After the chaos that was Christmas, Brooke and I needed a reset. Something quieter. No awkward stares across dinner tables or offhanded microaggressions that ruin dessert. So, when her parents invited us to visit them in London this spring, I was… hesitant. Brooke was too, but more in that sigh-and-roll-her-eyes kind of way. Apparently they wanted a "fresh start." Their words, not mine.

We figured: Why not? Worst case, we’d explore the UK and avoid being in the house too long. Best case, maybe we’d all act like semi-functional adults for once.

So, we went.

They picked us up from Heathrow—again—and this time the silence in the car wasn’t as heavy. There was music playing (Coldplay, ironically), and Brooke’s mom asked if we’d eaten. I think she was trying. It didn’t feel perfect, but it felt... less cold.

Their house is just outside of London, in a neighborhood that smells like rain and garden tea. Very posh, very polished, but oddly cozy. Brooke showed me the room she grew up in, though most of it had been remodeled into a guest suite. The only thing untouched was a tiny drawing taped behind the closet door—a crayon sketch of her and Bruce holding hands.

That got me.

The trip was easy, mostly. We wandered around Notting Hill, browsed overpriced bookstores, drank tea that somehow tasted like old wood but cost more than a burger. Took a train to Brighton one day. Another day we caught a local play that had me asleep before Act II (don’t tell her mom, she paid for the tickets).

The most surprising part of it all? Her parents were… human. Still wrapped up in their UK elite mindset, still occasionally tone-deaf, but they actually tried to connect. Her dad even asked me more about med school, and this time he didn’t flinch when I mentioned my moms. He just nodded and said, “Hardworking women then, I imagine,” and that was it. No follow-up questions. No weird smile. Just respect.

I think what made this trip feel different was the absence of expectation. We weren’t hosting. We weren’t putting on a show. We were just... being. Her mom even asked Brooke about her art for once, not just grades or career plans. Her dad sat with Bruce and chatted over scotch like old colleagues. It wasn’t sunshine and lollipops, but it also wasn’t stormclouds and pettiness.

Sometimes peace looks like four people quietly coexisting in a living room, all flipping through their phones, with a movie playing nobody’s watching. Sometimes it’s walking hand-in-hand through an unfamiliar place, knowing you’re both a little more at ease than you were yesterday.

We didn’t solve everything. We’re not suddenly one big blended family. But London gave us a moment to breathe. And for Brooke, I think it gave her a little bit of closure—even if she won’t say it out loud.

It was a gentler visit. And that was more than enough.

The Strangers in My Dreams

ast night, I dreamed of a woman with honey-brown eyes and a crooked smile. She was sitting at the edge of a fountain, humming something soft and wordless. I sat beside her, though we didn’t speak. I remember the wind tugging at her scarf, the weight of something unspoken pressing against us like fog. When I woke up, I couldn't shake the feeling that she was real.

A quick search later, and I found her face. Her obituary. Gone three years now. I’ve never met her. I don’t know her name beyond what the internet told me. Yet somehow, she found her way into my dream.

This isn’t the first time. It’s happened too many times to write off as coincidence. A boy with burn marks on his palms. A man who kept handing me keys. A child who laughed in a language I don’t understand. I meet them all in dreams—and wake to find they no longer walk this world.

I keep asking myself: why me? Why do they visit me, if “visit” is even the right word? Is this some echo of grief I’ve never owned? A trick of my subconscious? Or something more?

I never feel afraid. Just... curious. Sometimes, honored. These strangers arrive and leave as gently as dusk. But their presence stays with me long after morning. I can’t help but wonder if our souls brush against one another somewhere between sleep and silence—if there’s a place beyond time where the dead remember, and we’re invited to remember them back.

I don’t have answers. Only dreams. And maybe, that’s enough.

Dreams #2

I figured I'd explain who "He" is. Though I don't quiet understand who he is myself, I'll try my best to explain.

The Practitioner, that's what he goes by. I don't know his or it's name. I say he because It appears masculine, figure and voice tell it all. He's odd to understand. His way of helping is hurting. Though he's aware that he's inflicting pain whether it be mentally or physically, he believes that it's the only way to help. He enjoys hurting people, and the people he hurts enjoy it too, which is why they always come back to him. Implying he has other patients is alarming because Isn't it my dream? Who else could you be "helping" if not only me? In that case I'd have to assume that maybe it's my mind making it up or he isn't a dream, and there are others..Anyways. The last time I saw him, we didn't conversate. He simply said, "I see you've returned." As if I'm imagining him willingly, if I'm 'imagining" at all. His hand grazed my skin and it felt so comforting to watch it melt. To feel the sting, like hot grease being poured on to me. I couldn't help but smile, I think it was a smile. The only thing that assures me that these are dreams is the fact I slowly forget them just as quickly as any other. That I'm glad, frankly I don't want to remember.

 

Dreams #1

 I've been having those dreams

I thought it'll never get this bad again

To the point where I start seeing him.

Just before I wake he grabs me

And as soon as he does my skin starts burning 

Melting onto the ground in slices

I never say a word though 

No reaction but a smile

Because it feels nice

To hurt

In the dreams of course

I wonder how it would feel if it were real.

I don't know if they're dreams or not anymore.

Surely it can't be real? 

I wake up with no scars so it can't be real.

There's no way in hell he exists.

It's not real. 

None of it is real.

Update

 

I'm going to start noting my dreams and dissociative moments (daydreaming ig). The amount of Deja Vu I've been feeling is sickening. Hopefully this isn't a manic episode of mine because I'm too tired.

Nightmares

I woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. All that could be heard is my heavy and shaky breaths along with the shallow rain beating on the window from outside. I moved my hair from my eyes, catching my breath for a moment still processing the wake up shock. Ive been getting these fucked up nightmares lately, seeing things too. I think its the lack of sleep from school honestly.

That was one hell of a nightmare..fuck, and Im covered in sweat.

I groaned, placing my feet on the floor taking a deep breath as I got up, grabbed my phone off the nightstand, and walked towards my bedroom door. 

Damn, 3am. What a great fucking hour to wake up. I scrolled through my notifications seeing a text from Payton

around 11pm.

Payton Lewis: We got another email from this "Anon" person. And its creepy af. 

I rolled my eyes walking down the hall as I sighed. What is up with this guy? Does he just get off to scaring people or what. It was funny at first, but these messages are getting down right intrusive and weird. I opened the door to the bathroom slowly wincing as the high creak of the hinges echoed through the hall. Slouching against the counter, I took a long breath and looked into the mirror. It’s going to be a long day.

Cryptic Investigation Crew

 So we're working on cryptic! Which will have it's own little channel! Till then you guys can send emails to TheDepravityProject@outlook.com !!! We've done a few investigations already and until the channel is up and running I'll post them here! Think of it like a sneak peak! 

we've posted a small intro! https://youtu.be/tO8e3YIDd20 

(ty to Brooke for the Graphic Design) 

IM BACKKK

 IM BACKKK! So- I left a little longer than expected but Ive got lots of things planned out! So here's a few photos over the past few months!

Hiatus

 Going on a small hiatus for a bit! I have a big test coming up that I really need to focus on. After that there's Brooke's birthday which we're going an "internet free" retreat. (Her idea not mine. Personally I dont think she's going to like it much-) then there's some planning with the Investigation Crew! Im just going to spend a bit time to enjoy the people around me. School and work has been eating me alive and a break for a bit is what I need. With that, see you all soon! 

Exploring a bridge

 Kieran and I went around the river bridge and did some exploring! Some photos we took! 

Club Ayeo?

So me and the pals been thinking about starting the club? Something with Horror because we all like it. We don't really want it to be something related to school though soo we're working out the details but I'm excited to see where it goes. We hung out the other night at my place and we're thinking about making a blog like this one where we do investigation type content. Were thinking the name "Cryptic" but its still in the works. Thats all for tonight! 

Valentines day

 OKAY. SO TELL ME WHY. I WOKE UP. AND THIS WOMAN. THIS BEAUIFTFUL WOMAN. SHE MADE ME A BIG ASS BREAKFAST AND GOT ME A TEDDY WITH MY NAME ON IT WITH GLASSES. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. 

See my plans were later on that day for valentines but I didn't expect her to love bomb me 9 in the morning haha. She even got me starbucks after my exam too. We havent really taken valentines day too seriously since our Junior year of higschool. I mean we still go out for dinner like every other couple but THIS YEAR she surpized me and now I feel a little bad that I didnt do as much. Around sunset I took her to Browns Island and we had a picnic. She said she loved it but like she SPOILED me all day. NOW I have the urge to spoil her but I wanna catch her off guard. In summary, I have the best girlfriend in the world and I am helplessly in love with her lol. 

Movie Night

Brooke came up with an idea that we should have a movie night. We decided to do it at Nox’s place since he didn't want to leave his siblings alone on a friday night. We went for the oldies because why not, first we watched Jeepers Creepers 2. Which honestly gave us a good laugh, the concept is horrifying the characters make the movie much more comical than it needs to be. Gave a few scares to the kids, I think thats when we all realized the twins, Jayden and Jordyn, were not fond of scary movies.

Picnic?

 For the past few weeks, I guess I've made a little group of friends. Me, Brooke, Payton, Nox and Kirean. We've been hanging out almost every week, of course everyone schedules everyone can make it to EVERY hangout, but yesterday everyone had that opportunity. Brooke's friend, Nox, the one with purple dyed hair, decided to hold a picnic at Libby Hill Park. It wasn't too early in the day around 11am, brunch hours I guess. We we're the last to arrive, and everything was so peaceful. Kieran has brought the drinks, teas and lemonades with a singular bottle of champagne. Payton brought cupcakes and fruit and we brought the chips, plates and napkins. While Nox made us Catalinas, Banh mi, spinach dip and salad. To be honest, that was the most fun I've had in a while. We took a few photos so I'll post them here for memory. Signing out!

.

 Personally, hanging out with my co-workers isn't really fun to me. I tend to avoid and decline work parties often, in the most kind way of course. Most of the other interns are way older than me, and for some seeing a 20 year old accomplish more in a year than them as they’re reaching their mid-life can be disheartening. Yet there I was, at a bar on brookland park boulevard. 

“Goodness John, maybe if you kept your pants on your wife wouldn't be shoving her head in your ass.” Michael laughed as John downed another bottle of hennessy. I snickered to myself watching Michael start to wheeze as Amy put her hand on John's shoulder. 

“Michaels got a point there, you dug your grave mate. Now you got to lie in it.” Amy sighed, patting his shoulder as John groaned, laying back against the bar island. I rolled my eyes at the conversation. My co-workers and I decided to grab a drink tonight to have a bit of fun. I took a sip of my beer as I watched Michael beginning to wheeze off his drunk laughter.

“Well shit, A man needs a break sometimes. I’m not going to lie to you that ass was just calling to me. I never touched a fatter ass than that one. I'll tell you that much. Michael burst out laughing hysterically on the verge of tears. Amy rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her Margarita, disappointment apparent on her face as she whispered towards me.

 “I really don't understand this guy sometimes, I’ll take a wife that loves me over a fresh piece of ass anyday,” she scoffed as she watched him down another drink. I shook my head, feeling my phone buzz. I looked down at the screen seeing Brooke’s photo. I hummed opening her text as I responded to Amy,

“I guess some people don't know how much they have until they lose it.”

New Years Photos

Took some photos with the Fam from new years! 

Christmas Mishap

 For Christmas we ended up going back to California for a few days. My parents suggested that Brooke's family should come over for the day, since they haven't seen each other in a while. I was excited about the idea, Brooke was not. Not because she doesn't like my moms no, it's because this will be the first time they meet her parents.

We've been dating for a little over 4 years now, so everyone had the chance to meet each other. Bruce has known my mothers for a very long time and my parents do like Bruce, but they've never meet their parents, and neither have I. Brooke's parents are often out in Europe doing business so for a better part of Brooke's life, Bruce has raised her and is still raising her little brother. However her parents decide that after 5 years of facetime that they'll spend Christmas with their children. Brooke told me that her parents were not the most likable people, she described them as arrogantly, snooty and close-minded. Upon meeting them Bruce also didn't look too keen. Her mother is a beautiful lady, she really does take the title as a model, loose curls past her shoulders and her eyes a dark shade of orange. Her father is a very..big guy. I think he was around 6'3? Broad shoulders and a bit of a beard, his eyes were a light shade of brown, and his hair an auburn tone. When they spoke, it was apparent that they were from the UK. 

We got picked up by her parents at the airport, Zoey(Bruce's Wife) was suppose to come get us but her parents insisted that they'll come get us. The mood in the car was very-awkward. After about 10 minutes of driving Brook's mom, Mrs Angela Dick, decided to ask me about my myself. I told her about my family. I hopped from country to country with my parents before settling down in California where I met Brooke, talked about my hobbies and interests before her dad chimed in mentioning what I want to Pursue career wise. I told them about my studies to become a surgeon. Told them how hard I've been working and the reason I want to become one because my parents are both in the medical field. When he asked me what they did, I felt Brooke's eyes glare into me, at first I figured it was because she was afraid that they might come off as classist, however, I soon found out that..was not the case. 

"Well my mama is a Pediatrician and my mom is a Gynecologist." I said casually. To which the air got cold and there was a pause of silence.

"Your mother is a Pediatrician and a Gynecologist?" Her mother asked, tone clearly confused. To which I awkwardly laughed and shook my head,

"Uhm no, I have two moms." Silence again before an “oh” left her mouth. 

“That's..interesting!.. Definitely something you don't see everyday,” a small smile appeared on her face, as her eyes darted to Brooke who didn't even give her a glance. 

“I was wondering about the pink in your hair, but I guess that explains it. You’re one of those um- lgbt's? Right?”

"..uh no. I mean, I'm straight. My parents are lesbian if that's what you mean," I commented on the situation becoming apparent. Later on after the Christmas dinner I asked Brooke if her parents are homophobic and she gave me an odd answer. To sum it up, they're confused on how everything works but they're not against it? It's just weird to them, which I didn't really know what to think of it being that Brooke herself is pansexual.

The rest of the car ride went by with conversation revolving around Brooke and school. Talking about past memories back when Brooke lived with her parents, back then she was about 9? 10? I forget what age she left London to live with Bruce. From the way they talked about it, it seemed like she was still a kid, not even in her teens. 

When we arrived at her Brother's, the family reunion was less than heartwarming. Bryce the youngest opened the door. His smile struggled to stay up on his face. Zoey slowly came up behind him with a smile saying her hellos. After everyone had said their greetings, we began to get ready for the day. It was around 7am, and we had 3 hours to get ready. 

When we got to my parents, as always my mom welcomed everyone with open arms. My moms give Brooke and I a tight hug asking us how we've been. Gathering in the living room everyone began to talk amongst themselves. Mama being the person she is, decided to introduce herself first. Of course, I'm aware she knows about Brooke's dislike of her parents and I can't help but notice some malice to get introduced.

"Richard and Angela, yes? It's great to finally meet you!" 

The dinner went actually quite nice, everything was sunshine and lollipops up until the end. Where Brook’s mom mentions that my parents did a good job raising me on the fact that I have no father figure in my life-

That shit went south and my mama got pissed- I won't go into detail about it but her parents ended up leaving the next day from a hotel. Though everyone was quite irritated in the situation, my mom and mama didn't really dwell on it as much as Bruce did. II think that’s the most I heard him apologize in all the time I’ve known him. Of course it wasn't his fault, but I can understand being embarrassed of their actions. 

This may be oversharing just a little, but this was sort of the only crazy thing that happened over winter break. SO might as well note it? Idk. 

I guess I have Cotton Socks.

 Oh boy do I have a story for you guys. First off sorry for not posting for over a month, exams and holiday had me busy. I will make sure to tell you guy all about when I get the chance. I should be alseep but I have many things on my mind at the moment so sleep isn't an option. So Brooke and I didn't have any classes today so we deiced to walk around campus for a bit and peek in to a few clubs that were going on. We're not that involved with campus life since we're so busy with other responsibilities and thought since exams are over we could get involved in a club. We walked around to where the Honors collage dorms are ran into the school Vice prez. Blonde chick, very..upbeat. I'll try and re-enact the conversation as best I can, because its almost 2Am and my brain is working on 1 braincell lol.

"Oh- Hello! If you're here to sit in on a meeting, this one's closed to the public. You can-"

"Oh no- we're not here for that! We're just walking around campus, sorry! Didn't know you guys we're here." I laughed, watching the girl's eye furrow up at me. She looked towards Brooklynn before speaking,

"I don't recognize you two, are you guys transfers?" She spoke, hand on her hip. Not in a pompous way but curious. 

"uh- no. We-" The blonde chimed in before Brooke could finish.

"Oh! I know! You guys must be freshies!" She exclaimed so confident, that it seemed mean to tell her she was wrong. 

"No. We're sophomores! We're just not on campus often is all," I finished, watching the girl hum as she outreached her hand.

"Well damn, no time than now to get acquainted. I'm Payton Lewis! I'm the schools Vice President, Business Major!"

She grabbed my hand and shook it, along with Brook's as I spoke.

"Rory, Med student. Nice to meet you!"

"Likewise. Med huh? You must be really smart, takes a lot of determination to stick it out with those senile ass professors," She smiled, her eyes peering into mine as I let out an awkward chuckle. 

"Haha, Thank you. Doing whatever it takes I guess," She laughed.

"Whose you're friend?" She asked, eyes darting over at Brooklynn, whose expression I couldn't place. 

"This is my girlfriend, Brooklynn-" I started before Brooke put her hand in mine, a warm smile on her face.

"I'm a Comp-Sci Major! We're also in the same Eco class if I remember correctly," Payton eyes widen for a moment before she made a small "O" sound. The wondering look on her face turning into a spark of excitement.

"Oh yeah! Brooklynn Dick! You're brother is fucking famous! You were the talk of the school when everyone saw you at orientation. You look hella different now though, I like the whole 90's style you got going on!" Brooke smiled at her reply. Though I could tell the smile had a hit of anger to it. I guessed to again, being recognized because of her brother and not herself. She ended up letting us sit in the meeting for a bit, as an 'inside look' if we ever wanted to join Student Government.

 When we decided to head home Brooke plopped down on the couch and gave me a look at made me a bit scared.

"..What?"

"I think moto moto likesss you," she said in a mocking tone. I sighed hanging my jacket up as I went to peer over here.

"Really? Or you just jealous?" I teased, she rolled her eyes, planting a kiss on my lips.

"Jealous? You're just oblivious." She scoffed pulling her phone from her pocket.

"She was just being nice, Brooke," I chuckled as she shook her head playfully disappointed. 

"Bless your cotton socks, sweetheart. Bless your cotton socks." 

The Tea? Ayeo?

 Introduced Brooke to Kieran yesterday, we went to a coffee shop on campus and started "chatting it up". Funny enough I ended up meeting one of Brook's friends from class. Short guy around her height, purple dyed hair and piercings everywhere. 

Before I say this, I'm not a jealous person.

But holy shit the way they were so comfortably touchy with each other threw me off. Brooke has always been a touchy person though. I think he’s a little, “girly pop” is what Brooke calls it; and judging by Kieran’s and the purple-hair-I-don't-remember-his-name's reaction, it looks like they already knew each other before this whole café fiasco.